Your War with Lust: 3 The Threat of Willing Wicked Women on the World Wide Web

Chapter 3

The Threat of Willing Wicked Women

on the World Wide Web

You are vulnerable on the inside and

relentlessly attacked on the outside

Proverbs 7:12

Week 2

► For a God Time use the “P.O.W.E.R. Plan” in Appendix A.

► After reading this chapter, answer the following questions:

1) What makes the war against lust so difficult in the modern world?

2) What about men makes this war so difficult?

3) Why isn’t marriage a solution for lust?

4) What was most meaningful to you in this chapter? Why?

We saw in the last chapter that Solomon was very concerned about the threat sexual immorality had for his sons. In those days, sexual immorality would have basically been limited to “a prostitute [who] will bring you to poverty . . . [and] sleeping with another man’s wife [that] will cost you your life” (Prov 6:26). In Solomon’s day the threat of sexual sin did not include the multitude of willing, wicked women on the world wide web (www). If Solomon thought the threat of demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life were great in his day, what would he say today? Perhaps the same thing he told his sons:

“Now in the street, now in the squares,

at every corner she lurks” (Prov 7:12 NIV)

You are vulnerable on the inside and relentlessly attacked on the outside.

The attack on the outside

It has been important to recognize and understand a man’s sex drive. Unfortunately, something God created to bless us is one of our greatest weaknesses to sin. This has been the same throughout human history.

But what has changed in an unimaginable way is the number and intensity of the attacks on a Christian man’s weakness for willing, wicked, naked women. Sources of sexual temptation have gotten a whole lot more prevalent and powerful since Jesus warned us about this. One wonders what He was even talking about when he warned of seeing enough nakedness of a woman to create lust.

In ancient culture, it was relatively very difficult to see a naked woman who was not your wife. That’s how it was for thousands of years. For example, in Genesis we read that Judah noticed a woman outside a village and, “thought she was a prostitute, since she had covered her face. So he stopped and propositioned her. ‘Let me have sex with you’” (Gen 38:15-16). Notice that even prostitutes in the ancient world were veiled. They did not show you anything until you paid. And Judah had to pay a whole “goat” (v. 17) to see anything.

Likewise, it was only by accident that David saw an innocent naked woman bathing on a rooftop. For millennia it was actually quite difficult to see a naked woman who was not your spouse.

But not today. Most men carry around in their back pocket a multitude of willing, wicked naked women eager to show them everything for free. This is why we refer to “smart phones” as “smut phones.” They’re not very “smart” if they are being used for “smut.”

And let us remember what those willing and naked women on the Internet really are: demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life. We will discuss later how they destroy your wife and life. But do you understand those women are demonic?

Remember, in your struggle against willing wicked women on the Internet, you “are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places” (Eph 6:12). Those women on the screen are not just women. They have devoted themselves to depravity and serve demons. And those demons are wanting to use them to get to you.

Of course they look enticing. “Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” (2 Cor 11:14). But believe it brother, there are demons behind those exciting and enticing women. With pornography you must see through their physical skin and see demons. If you saw the spiritual reality of pornography you would see what God sees: demonically controlled people having sex. In other words, pornography is demons having sex with demons. And that is gross and repulsive.

And yet, these demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life are available anytime and anywhere. Speaking of prostitutes in his day, Solomon described them as “now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks” (Prov 7:12 NIV). What would he think about the world you live in today?

In the United States alone, an estimated 30,000 people view pornography on the Internet every second. Every day in America there are 68 million searches on the Internet for pornography. ^[1] There are an estimated 4.2 million pornographic websites and 25% of Google search engine requests are for pornography. ^[2]

The Huffington Post reported in 2013 that pornographic websites get more visitors each month than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined, and 30% of all data transferred across the Internet is pornography. ^[3] At a Christian men’s Promise Keeper’s event 53% of attendees claimed to have viewed pornography in the last week. ^[4]

And our youth? The average age of a child’s first exposure to pornography is 11 years old. 80% of 15-17 year olds have had multiple exposures to hardcore porn. The largest single population of Internet pornography users is 12-17 year olds. Two thirds of college men go online weekly to search for pornography. ^[5] “Now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks” (Prov 7:12 NIV). You are vulnerable on the inside and relentlessly attacked on the outside.

The vulnerability on the inside

Why does Internet pornography have such a powerful pull on men? Dr. Peter Kleponis further explains the God-given sexual makeup of males and their resulting vulnerability to pornography:

Due to hormonal levels in the womb and at puberty, men’s brains are very different than women’s brains. Men are physically wired to be visually stimulated. When a man encounters an erotic image, he automatically looks . . .

The thalamus in the man’s brain is responsible for picking out erotic images. Thus, if a man is viewing a hundred different images and one of them is erotic, the thalamus is going to single it out and the man will immediately pay attention to the erotic image.

Once this happens, a chemical reaction occurs in the brain. The ventral tegmental area (VTA) of the brain releases dopamine in great quantities, which mixes with testosterone and creates a very powerful drug cocktail. The man will experience great excitement, and even a high, causing the brain to love this and want more. . .

On the subconscious level, the mind realizes how good this makes the man feel and how it eases deep emotional pain, and decides to return to pornography over and over again to keep emotional pain at bay. This is the emotional side of the addiction. . .

A message is then sent down the spinal cord to the genitals for sexual arousal, an erection. With all this excitement and stimulation going on, a tension develops that is only relieved with an orgasm, so the man masturbates. With an orgasm, opiate chemicals, endorphins, are released into the brain, providing a sense of euphoria. This correlates with the euphoric states seen in heroin and cocaine use. After the orgasm the man experiences a great feeling of relaxation. . This is a very powerful drug that is highly addictive! ^[6]

It is the human brain’s attraction to novelty and newness that makes being “a one woman man” (1 Tim 3:2) especially difficult:

Scientists have learned that masturbating to a novel porn star increases ejaculate volume. Also, the time it takes to ejaculate decreases significantly. In short, sexual novelty (many porn users report constantly seeking novel erotica) translates into expenditure of more semen and faster ejaculation. Research also shows greater reward circuit activity in the brain when exposed to a novel sexual partner, increasing the risk of developing an addiction. ^[7]

The struggle to be “a one woman man” (1 Tim 3:2) is made even harder because husbands often feel like they are imposing on their wife when they ask for sex. And there is always the risk of feeling rejected when they are turned down. Even harder is being married to a wife who does not enjoy sex and is rather cold about this area of her marriage.

Contrast this to women in movies, TV, and the Internet. They all seem so eager to have sex, even pursuing men for sex. The women men see in the media will never turn you down. They are always waiting, willing, and eager to give a man sexual pleasure. And they always seem to be really enjoying sex, having fun, and willing to show them anything and do anything to please a man.

Do you understand the world we live in? Pornography has been proven to have some of the addictive characteristics of cocaine. Imagine then if cocaine were as common and available as table salt. And everybody was shaking a little on their food, and getting a little buzz. Sexual immorality is as ingrained in our society as table salt. But it is an addictive, destructive sin against God and our families.

Satan has been tempting men with sinful lust since the beginning of time. He has had his weapons. Prostitution has been described as the most ancient business in the world. But prostitutes, Playboy magazine, “peep shows” at adult book shops, and pay-per-view TV were all mere pea shooters compared to the nuclear weapon he has now with lap tops and “smut” phones (They are not “smart” phones if you use them to sin).

A willing, wicked naked woman is the most powerful, dangerous, and destructive weapon on Earth for the sons of God. Even a nuclear bomb can only kill you. But a willing, wicked naked woman can destroy you, taking everything you hold dear in life including your wife, children, and reputation, leaving you wishing you were dead. They truly are demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life.

What percentage of men even had the opportunity to see a willing, wicked naked woman for the first 6000 years of humanity? Fewer than you might think. What percentage of men have that opportunity now? Because of the spread of the Internet, images of willing, wicked naked women have been broadcast to even the most remote places in the world.

All of this is why we suggested in the previous chapter that the sinful temptation for lust in a Christian man’s life, in this modern world, is the most powerful temptation any Christians, anywhere, at any time, have ever had to resist. For a man to obey Jesus’ command in the Internet Age, may be the hardest act of holiness ever expected of humanity. It is in this present Age that God calls upon His sons to be “a one woman man” (1 Tim 3:2) even though a multitude of women offer them sexual pleasure.

But God is expecting you to be more than just a male. Your Father in Heaven is expecting you to be a man. To grow up and be like Him. Along these lines, one author writes:

Our maleness is a major root of sexual sin. So what do we do? We must choose to be more than male. We must choose manhood. . . He’s asking us to rise above our natural tendencies to impure eyes, fanciful minds, and wandering hearts. His standard of purity doesn’t come naturally to us. He calls us to rise up, by the power of His indwelling presence, and get the job done. ^[8]

Or as the Apostle Paul put it: “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Cor 16:13-14). ^[9] Be a man instead of just a male. Because, “now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks” (Prov 7:12 NIV). You are vulnerable on the inside and relentlessly attacked on the outside.

Marriage is not the solution

The Apostle Paul wrote:

Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. . .

So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. (1 Cor 7:1-2, 8-9)

Because of Paul’s advice, many unmarried men look forward to marriage as a solution for their problem with sinful lust. And all married men would agree it helps in varying degrees depending on the health of their marriage and their sexual relationship with their wife.

But every married man would also chuckle at the thought that marriage eliminates temptations to sexual lust. In marriage you soon understand how much sacrifice and self-control you need to love your wife. There are many times she will not be available to you sexually because she is tired, upset, or sick. Or does not feel emotionally connected to you. And while children are a wonderful result of sex, the time and energy needed to care for them can definitely be an obstacle to sex.

Along these lines, one author writes:

That marriage doesn’t eliminate sexual impurity comes as no surprise to married men, although it does for teens and young singles. Ron, a youth pastor in Minnesota, said that when he challenges young men to be sexually pure, their response is, “That’s easy for you to say, Pastor. You’re married! You can have sex anytime you want!”

Young singles believe that marriage creates a state of sexual nirvana. If only it were so. . . Your purity must not depend upon your mate’s health or desire. God holds you responsible, and if you don’t gain control before your wedding day, you can expect it to crop up after the honeymoon. ^[10]

If you do not learn and practice the difference between love and lust as a single man, your marriage will be painful. If you have a significant problem with pornography before marriage, you are almost guaranteed to have a problem after marriage.

And a sad fact remains for some marriages: There are Christian wives who are providing frequent sex to their husbands, and their husbands are still struggling or addicted to pornography. Which again demonstrates the power and danger of demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life. “Now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks” (Prov 7:12 NIV). You are vulnerable on the inside and relentlessly attacked on the outside.

Some balance on the issue of men’s struggle

It has been important to understand the severity of the challenge that men have to maintain sexual purity and obey Christ’s command to not lust with their eyes in this modern media age. But let us clarify some things before moving on.

First, we do not intend to say that Christian women do not struggle with sexual lust. Unfortunately they are struggling with pornography in increasing numbers. And we are sure that much of what is said in these chapters will be helpful to them as well.

But one important point is this: Women have no idea what this struggle against lust is like for a man. There is no experience like it in females. It is doubtful that there is any temptation in the life of a woman that is as pervasive, powerful, sinful, and destructive as lust is for men. And it is therefore very difficult for women to have compassion and mercy on men in this area.

For example, authors Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker interviewed some women after they had read their book, Every Man’s Battle. Here are some of the responses:

Deena, when asked for her reaction to this book’s premise, replied, “This stuff is crazy. Women don’t have that problem!” Fawn decided men and women are so different in their sexual wiring that it defies understanding. “I was surprised to learn,” she said, “that Christian men have this problem even after they’re married. I found the intensity of the problem to be shocking.”

Cathy said, “I did not know the depth that men would go and the risk they would take to satisfy their desires. I was unaware of how intense these temptations are and how much defense a man must muster to avoid stepping over God’s boundaries.” . .

Brenda . . . summarized the typical female response: “I don’t want to sound mean, but because women don’t generally experience this problem, it seems to us that some men are uncontrolled perverts who don’t think about anything but sex. It even affects my trust in men, knowing that pastors and deacons could have this problem.

I don’t like it that men lustfully take advantage of women in their thoughts, although I realize that women can be largely to blame because of what they wear. It’s at least some comfort to know that many men have this problem. Since most men are affected, we really can’t call you guys perverts.” ^[11]

Both God’s sons and their wives need to be aware of the intensity of the battle for sexual purity in our time. But none of this is intended to excuse a man’s sin with lust in any way. God still expects His sons to “Flee sexual immorality” (1 Cor 6:18). And He commands the Church: “Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity . . . because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Eph 5:3). And regardless of how difficult the Devil has made these commands, “God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure” (1 Cor 10:13).

In addition, we do not believe that sex is an absolute need in a man’s life. God never asks us to deny real needs in our life. And as discussed elsewhere in the Christian Essentials God intends to be the source for fulfilling all of our deepest H.A.P.P.I.E.R. needs including pleasure. ^[12] Therefore, single men and even married men are expected to deny themselves the pleasure of sex on a regular basis. Along these lines, Dr. Kleoponis writes:

Sex is not a need. It’s an appetite. A need is something that is required for life, such as food and water. A person would soon die without them. While the human race needs sex to procreate and continue our species, an individual person does not need sex to live. . . Many men are defiling God’s holy plan for sex because our culture has convinced them that sex is a need they are entitled to meet. ^[13]

Which is all the more dangerous in our world because, ““Now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks” (Prov 7:12 NIV). You are vulnerable on the inside and relentlessly attacked on the outside.

► Return to the beginning and answer the questions there.

► Recite Proverbs 7:26 from memory.

► Memorize Proverbs 7:12 in the translation above or another.

1. “Porn Addiction in America,” (Dec 30, 2013) online at http://christianpost.com. ↑
2. Kleponis, Loc. 242-247. ↑
3. Ibid., Loc. 260-261. ↑
4. Ibid., Loc. 253. ↑
5. Ibid., Loc. 346-347. ↑
6. Ibid., Loc. 613-687. ↑
7. “Ejaculation: How Often for Good Health?” online at: https://www.reuniting.info/ejaculation_how_often_for_good_health. ↑
8. Arterburn and Stoeker, p. 70. ↑
9. It is unfortunate that some modern translations (e.g. NLT, NIV) have removed the literal translation of the original Greek text of 1 Corinthians 16:13 (“act like men”) and translated it as “be courageous.” On the contrary, the Apostle was specifically calling on the men in the Corinthian church and he was calling them to more than courage, but everything that makes a godly man. ↑
10. Arterburn and Stoeker, p. 40. ↑
11. Ibid. p. 33-34. ↑
12. For more discussion on God fulfilling our H.A.P.P.I.E.R. needs including our God-given need for pleasure, see chapter 2.? and 3.? ↑
13. Kleponis, Loc. 1006-1017. Unfortunately, the NLT version of 1 Corinthians 7:3 reads, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.” This suggests sex is a need for a married couple. However, the Greek (opheilēn apodidotō) literally means “to fulfill an obligation” (BAGD), not meet a need. And even in this passage, Paul suggests denying sex in a marriage for a time, which again, he would not do if it was a God-given need. ↑