Table of Contents
1 Your King’s Declaration of War Against Lust
2 The Hardest Battle God’s Sons Have Ever Fought
3 The Threat of Willing Wicked Women on the World Wide Web
4 We Are at War, But Are We Warriors?
10 Get Grace, Encouragement, & Protection
11 Get Smart, Scared, & Sensitive
A P.O.W.E.R. Plan for God Times
B P.O.W.E.R. Plan for Barnabas Groups
C Your Plan & Progress in Your War with Lust
D Memory Verses for Your War with Lust
Be wise about the cost and causes of your sinful lust
Proverbs 7:7
Week 6
► For a God Time use the “P.O.W.E.R. Plan” in Appendix A.
► After reading this chapter, answer the following questions:
1) Why is it important to count the cost of the pleasure of pornography?
2) What are “danger zones” that commonly lead men to sinful lust?
3) What are emotional “triggers” that commonly lead men to sinful lust?
4) What was especially meaningful to you in this chapter?
One day King Solomon was looking out of the window of his palace at the people below. He watched a young man be seduced by “an immoral” and “promiscuous woman” (Prov 7:5). Solomon described the young man in this way:
I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men,
a youth who had no sense. (Proverbs 7:7 NIV)
Be wise about the cost and causes of your sinful lust.
What was this young man “naïve” about? In what way did he lack “common sense?” First of all, he was ignorant or didn’t care what “an immoral woman” would cost him.
Step #4: Get smart about the cost of your pleasure from sinful lust
Solomon told his son the rest of the story:
So she seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery. He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter. He was like a stag caught in a trap, awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart. He was like a bird flying into a snare, little knowing it would cost him his life. (Prov 7:21-23)
Solomon’s repeated warning of death for sexual immorality probably refers to what the husband of an adulteress will do (cf. Prov 2:18; 5:5; 6:26, 30-35; 9:18). But throughout Your War with Lust we have detailed the horrific cost of sinning with demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life. We have admitted that pornography obviously produces some intense, although temporary pleasure. But what is that pleasure costing you?
You must have a clear and strong conviction in your mind that it is absolutely stupid and foolish to risk so much for so little. To help you do this we have summarized the costs of sinful lust described in this study in the 32 statements below:
1) If you are married, Jesus said you are committing adultery (Matt 5:27; discussed in chapter 1 of Your War with Lust).
2) You are destroying the “one flesh” union of your marriage, breaking your marriage vows, and defiling your marriage bed (Matt 19:5-6; Heb 13:4; ch. 1).
3) Because you have violated your marriage covenant, God gives your wife the right to leave you if she chooses to (Matt 5:32; ch. 1).
4) Lusting after demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life breaks the First Commandment: “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exod 20:3; ch. 1).
5) Lusting after demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life breaks the Second Commandment against idolatry (Exod 20:4-5; ch. 1).
6) Lusting after demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life breaks the Seventh Commandment: “You shall not commit adultery” (Exod 20:14; ch. 1).
7) Lusting after demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life might break the Tenth Commandment: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife” (Exod 20:17; ch. 1).
8) Lusting after demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life breaks the Greatest Commandment to: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart [desires] and with all your soul and with all your mind [thoughts]” (Matt 22:37; ch. 1).
9) Lusting after demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life breaks the Second Greatest Commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 22:39).
10) Masturbation breaks Jesus’ commandment not to sin with your hand in the contest of sexual sin (Matt 5:30; ch. 1).
11) Masturbation damages your body and your marriage (ch. 1).
12) You lose a tremendous opportunity to love God (ch. 4).
13) You lose a tremendous opportunity to please and glorify God and disappoint and embarrass the Devil (ch. 4)
14) You lose a tremendous opportunity for eternal rewards (ch. 4).
15) “Having sex with willing, wicked naked women on the Internet can cause you to lose your wife, children, reputation, love life, and ministry. 33% of those addicted to Internet pornography lost their jobs” (ch. 5).
16) You deny your God-given identity as a son or daughter of Almighty God (ch. 6).
17) Looking at pornography degrades your body (1 Cor 6:13-20; ch. 6).
18) “Why is this sin more destructive than others? Because it does something to us. In uniting ourselves with a wicked woman it affects our minds and spirits in a powerful and lasting way. Sexual sin changes us. It defiles us in such a way that is hard to get rid of. Even though we are forgiven for it, we cannot forget it” (1 Cor 6:13-20; ch. 6).
19) Looking at pornography will cost you your ministry (2 Tim 2:21-22; ch. 6).
20) “Researchers are warning that addiction to pornography works very much like cocaine. It is not simply psychologically addictive, but like cocaine, it does something in your brain to make you emotionally dependent on it” (ch. 6).
21) The Devil “wants your sin to be ‘secret’ in order to get you hooked on lust. And then he wants to work so your sin becomes public and inflicts on you and others the most pain possible” (ch. 7).
22) “Pornography is never free. The cost of your intense pleasure from it, will be your wife’s even more intense pain” (ch. 7).
23) “Your long term sexual pleasure with your wife will be diminished significantly if not completely destroyed by your use of pornography. Simply put, pornography burns you out sexually. . . The very thing you seek in pornography (sexual pleasure), will be the very thing you lose. . . Your lust-making will ruin you for love-making” (ch. 7).
24) “Pornography drastically increases your sex drive to abnormal levels. And this puts an unnecessary burden on your wife and you are now using, even abusing her, rather than loving her” (ch. 7).
25) “Instead of being a good role model for his kids, he is a hypocrite. Many fathers will preach to their kids on the dangers of pornography while they regularly use it behind closed doors. . . This can be devastating for a daughter. To think that the man she has always loved, trusted, and looked up to as her protector is using porn is repulsive to her. She loses all respect for her father” (ch. 7).
26) “Your pleasure with pornography causes pain for the most powerful person in the Universe because He has adopted you as His son. . . The God of the Universe has humbled Himself to be hurt by you.” (ch. 8; cf. Gen 6:5-6; Isa 57:7-8).
27) “There are many promises in the Bible that God wants you to believe. And one of them is this: “The Lord will punish all those who commit such [sexual] sins, as we told you and warned you before” (1 Thess 4:6). Is the pleasure you experience from porn worth the pain you will experience from your Lord?” (ch. 8).
28) When you are having sinful sex with demon-possessed women on the Internet, you force the Holy Spirit in you to be subjected to that and it causes him “severe mental or emotional distress” (cf. Eph 4:30; ch. 8).
29) When you are having sinful sex with demon-possessed women on the Internet, you are worshipping demons and acting like a demon (cf. 2 Cor 10:20; ch. 8).
30) “Looking at naked, disgusting, demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life denies you the right to say you love God more than those women. It means in that moment, you love Satan more than your Savior. . . And isn’t it a horrible thing to have to admit that you love the pleasure of sin more than the One who died for those very same sins? The Bible is even stronger. It says you HATE God when you love sin (James 4:4-5; ch. 8).
31) The pleasure of porn will cost you the pain of shame in your relationship with God (ch. 9).
32) The pleasure of porn will cost you the pain of shame in your relationships with people (ch. 9).
Get smart about the cost of your pleasure from pornography. IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!! Solomon said, “I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who had no sense” (Proverbs 7:7). Do not be like him. Instead, Be wise about the cost and causes of your sinful lust.
Putting it into practice
– Think about the 3 costs of your sinful lust that scare you the most. Write these down in Appendix C: “Your Plan & Progress in Your War with Lust.”
Step #5: Get scared about “danger zones” that lead to sinful lust
Solomon told his son:
At the window of my house I looked down through the lattice. I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who had no sense. He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in. (Prov 7:6-9 NIV)
Do you notice this guy is not scared at all of finding a willing, wicked woman to sin with? And that is why he puts himself in what we will call “danger zones.” A “danger zone” is a specific time, place, or situation where you are more likely to be tempted with sinful lust.
There are several things this foolish young man does to make himself more vulnerable to sexual sin. First, he was alone. Solomon says he saw “a youth” (v. 7). Being alone for extended periods of time, whether at night, an afternoon, or especially extended travel, can certainly make you more susceptible to sexual temptation.
Secondly, this young man was near the “house” of the “immoral” and “promiscuous woman” (v. 5), “at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in” (v. 9). There is something about the night that gives power to sin. The Scriptures warn: “For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night. . . Night is the time when people sleep and drinkers get drunk” (1 Thess 5:5, 7; cf. Rom 13:12-13). Being alone at night can be an especially tempting “danger zone” for Internet pornography.
Finally, this young man did not know or did not care about “danger zones” for sexual sin. “He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house” (v. 8). God says, “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor 6:18 NIV). This guy was walking toward it, and had no concern about the “danger zones” that lead to sinful lust.
Other “danger zones” include:
– Certain TV series that you know show nudity or sexual scenes.
– Being alone with an unprotected computer or smart phone.
– Spending a lot of time with an attractive woman who is not your wife.
– Being alone after an exhausting day or week at work.
– Being alone in a hotel room.
– Being alone after a fight with your wife.
Everyone has their own unique “danger zones” that lead to sinful lust. If you can identify them in your life you may be able to eliminate many of them and significantly reduce your struggle with sinful lust. But even if you cannot eliminate all of them, you can be aware of them and be especially on guard when you are in them.
Eliminating or avoiding your “danger zones” may require some painful “cutting and gouging.” For example, if you travel a lot for your job and cannot control your lust during these times, it is time to get another job.
Be scared about your “danger zones” that lead you to sinful lust. Solomon said, “I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who had no sense” (Proverbs 7:7). Do not be like him. Instead, Be wise about the cost and causes of your sinful lust.
Putting it into practice
– Think about your “danger zones” that lead you to sinful lust. Write these down in Appendix C. Also, develop a plan to avoid or completely eliminate these “danger zones.”
– “Down time” when you are looking for ways to relax and rest are especially dangerous times for sinful lust. Determine and plan healthy, safe, and effective ways to recharge your emotional, spiritual, and physical batteries. Write these ideas down in Appendix C.
– Agree with a “battle brother” that you will call him and when you are being strongly tempted in a “danger zone” so you can be reminded of Scriptures and to pray together.
Step #6: Get sensitive to “triggers” that lead to sinful lust
The Apostle Paul encouraged Christians to be “familiar with his evil schemes” “so that Satan will not outsmart us” (2 Cor 2:11). What is the Devil’s strategy to get one of God’s sons lusting after demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life? Emotional triggers.
In other words, men are usually feeling emotions of their sinful nature before they are tempted toward sinful lust. A helpful acronym for these emotional “triggers” is feeling B.L.A.S.T.ed. This refers to feeling Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stressed, and Tired. [1]
We see several of these in David’s life before his sin with Bathsheba:
In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. (2 Sam 11:1-3)
First, we would suggest David was bored. At this point in David’s life he had been in many wars. We are not told why he did not go to war at the time he was supposed to, but maybe he was simply tired of war. Even the victories did not give him the thrill it used to.
Secondly, David seems alone. Where was one of his wives? If he wasn’t sleeping alone, he was certainly alone when he “walked around on the roof of the palace [and] . . . saw a woman bathing.” Isn’t it amazing that a man with four wives could feel lonely?
Thirdly, was stress the reason David seemed to not be sleeping well? And maybe just being tired was why he did not lead his army to war.
Any man reading this recognizes how feeling B.L.A.S.T.ed can make you more vulnerable to looking at pornography. And this includes anger. Perhaps especially being angry at your wife because you feel she has neglected or rejected you in her sexual relationship with you.
We would add one more: curiosity. This seems to be true of the foolish youth Solomon described: “He was going down the street near her corner,
walking along in the direction of her house” (Prov 7:8 NIV). Maybe this youth was new to the pleasures that can be experienced with sinful sex. Maybe he was just curious about what he would find if he went, “near her corner” and “in the direction of her house.” The same kind of curiosity can get you to sinful places on the Internet.
Compulsive acts of lust and seeking sexual pleasure are usually attempts to relieve some inner ache from an unmet emotional need. These are described elsewhere in the Christian Essentials as the Seven H.A.P.P.I.E.R. Needs of Humans and include: Hope, Approval, Protection, Power, Importance, Enjoyment, and Relationship. You can see a brief description of these in Appendix E of this study. [2]
When we are not experiencing these God-given emotional needs we experience pain in the form of feeling angry, lonely, rejected, and bored. And some quick sexual pleasure can be a very tempting relief. But as we reminded you above, the side effects of relieving your emotional pain with pornography will destroy your wife and life.
Some women can understand what we are saying here when we recognize how some use food. Previously in this study we wrote:
And of course, women can sin in the area of eating in order to meet emotional needs in their life. Men will view pornography for the same reason. It’s just that eating “comfort food” is not as disgusting and destructive as viewing pornography.
Likewise, some women have a difficult time controlling their eating because they are using it to medicate emotional pain in their lives. And while the consequences may not be as great as a man’s habit with pornography, their unnecessary weight gain can have negative consequences for their health and their marriage.
One author writes:
Overeating is not about food—something else compels the food addict to eat an entire one-pound bag of M&M’s in one sitting. Compulsive shopping is about so much more than needing more stuff to put in our garages or closets. So, too, our sexual lusts and preoccupations with porn point to more than naked bodies or illicit sex.
Almost a century ago, G. K. Chesterton wrote that the man who knocks on the brothel door is knocking for God. Sin always promises something, and porn constantly promises to meet our deepest longings as men and women—without a cost. [3]
What is the solution to these “triggers”? Learning how to get your H.A.P.P.I.E.R. needs met by God. He would say the following about all of your emotional needs:
“Is anyone thirsty? Come and drink— even if you have no money! Come, take your choice of wine or milk— it’s all free! Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good. You will enjoy the finest food.” (Isa 55:1-2)
God wants to fulfill the emotional needs He gave you with His satisfying love, instead of your sinful lust.
In the following chapter we will discuss how Scripture can give us at least temporary relief from the emotional “triggers” that lead us to sinful lust. We will also discuss the potential to be consistently free from these “triggers” through P.O.W.E.R. Counseling. But it is first important to identify these emotional triggers that lead you to sinful lust.
Solomon said, “I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who had no sense” (Proverbs 7:7). Do not be like him. Instead, Be wise about the cost and causes of your sinful lust.
Putting it into practice
– Think about what you are feeling before you are tempted to look at pornography. Uses B.L.A.S.T.ed to help you start. Write down the descriptions of these emotional “triggers” in Appendix C.
– Agree with a “battle brother” that you will call him and when you are being strongly tempted an emotional “trigger” so you can be reminded of Scriptures and pray together.
– Dr. Kleoponis writes: “One way to effectively deal with being BLASTed, or to avoid it altogether, is to daily work on proper self-care. This means making sure one gets plenty of sleep, eats a healthy diet, exercises regularly, maintains healthy relationships, sets healthy boundaries, limits stress, and so on. All of this adds up to living a healthy lifestyle, which can eliminate the need to self-medicate with anything.” [4]
► Return to the beginning and answer the questions there.
► Recite 1 Timothy 2:22 from memory.
► Memorize Proverbs 7:7 in the translation above or another.