Table of Contents
1 Your King’s Declaration of War Against Lust
2 The Hardest Battle God’s Sons Have Ever Fought
3 The Threat of Willing Wicked Women on the World Wide Web
4 We Are at War, But Are We Warriors?
10 Get Grace, Encouragement, & Protection
11 Get Smart, Scared, & Sensitive
A P.O.W.E.R. Plan for God Times
B P.O.W.E.R. Plan for Barnabas Groups
C Your Plan & Progress in Your War with Lust
D Memory Verses for Your War with Lust
Your Father has steps you can take to defeat sinful lust in your life
2 Timothy 2:22
Week 5
► For a God Time use the “P.O.W.E.R. Plan” in Appendix A.
► After reading this chapter, answer the following questions:
1) Why is it important to admit your struggles with sinful lust to God? Why might this be difficult? What can help you do this?
2) Why is it helpful to admit your struggles with sinful lust to an Encourager?
3) Why should you have Internet filtering and reporting software on any device in your home and life that has access to the Internet?
4) What was especially meaningful to you in this chapter?
Ron was struggling mightily with pornography. He was so ashamed because He was a Christian, and had a wonderful wife who loved him. But he could not shake the pull that pornography had on him. Finally, he got desperate enough that he talked to his Pastor. The practical steps Ron was given significantly decreased his struggle. They required effort, but the result was worth it! And the subsequent counseling really got to the root of his temptations and changed his whole life. He sure was glad he asked for help. But he had to make the choice to do what the Apostle Paul told another young man:
Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22 NIV)
Your Father has steps you can take to defeat sinful lust in your life.
The primary text for this chapter tells us three things you need to do to overcome lust in your life. You need to run away from something, run toward something else, and run with someone else. [1]
First, your Father is commanding you to run from “the evil desires of youth” which certainly includes sinful lust. Notice there is that word again in the context of sexual sin: “Flee.”
Secondly, He wants you to run toward, “righteousness, faith, love and peace.” “Righteousness” and “love” are powers of the Holy Spirit. They are obtained as you renew your mind, experience your emotional needs being fulfilled by Christ, and living in freeing truth instead of controlling lies.
Only by renewing your mind and through God’s Spirit can you transform your sinful lust into holy love. A solid “faith” in the promises of God to meet your emotional needs will also come from renewing your mind. And “peace” of conscience will be the result of gaining victory over sexual sin.
Third, Paul told young Timothy to run with some people. To “Flee . . . evil . . . and pursue righteousness . . . along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” There is a reason the Apostle said this. He knew we usually cannot grow spiritually by ourselves. Particularly in the area of sinful lust, we will be helped immensely by other men.
All of the following ten steps to freedom over sinful lust are an example of running from sexual temptation, running toward righteousness, and running with others. These ten steps are:
1) Get God’s grace through Scripture.
2) Get encouragement through a friend.
3) Get protection for your eyes and starve your sin with Internet filtering software.
4) Get smart about the cost of your pleasure from sinful lust.
5) Get scared about “danger zones” that lead to sinful lust.
6) Get sensitive to “triggers” that lead to sinful lust.
7) Get Scripture that will strengthen you in temptation.
8) Get serving to invest your time and energy in productive ways.
9) Get free from the “triggers” that lead to sinful lust.
10 Get right with your wife if needed.
These steps will help you, “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Timothy 2:22 NIV). Your Father has steps you can take to defeat sinful lust in your life.
Step #1: Experience God’s grace through Scripture
An experienced counselor suggests several obstacles to you getting help from both people and God:
There are many reasons why people who struggle with pornography fail to seek help or are unsuccessful in recovery. The most common of which are denial, pride, shame, fear, and lack of commitment. [2]
The first step in overcoming all of these is experiencing God’s grace. God’s grace is not only His forgiveness for sin, but His power over sin. How do you begin to experience such grace? “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5). Pride shows itself in both a denial of the seriousness of our sin, and the power of God’s sacrifice for it.
First, you must be humble and stop denying the seriousness of your sin. There is a part of you that loves those naked, disgusting, demon-possessed destroyers of your life and wife. Grace begins with humility, and humility begins with admitting the seriousness of your sin with pornography or other means of sexual immorality.
For at least nine months to a year, David remained in denial of his sin with Bathsheba. His shame kept him from being honest with God and talking to Him about it. Or confessing it to anyone else. Then God sent af friend named Nathan to speak to him. As a result: “David confessed to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the Lord.’ Nathan replied, “’Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin (2 Sam 12:13). Don’t hesitate to be honest with God about what He already knows. Be humble.
One author writes:
You may find it strange to know that in all the years of my struggle with sexual sin, I never saw myself as a broken man. But brokenness was the very thing I couldn’t acknowledge and tried to avoid by relentlessly working harder and harder to conceal the cracks in my soul. [3]
But denial of our sin is not the most common problem for us. It is shame about our sin. If sinful lust is the greatest power of the Devil on Earth, then shame is his second greatest power. This is the Devil’s plan. To entice you to sin sexually, and then hold you in bondage to him through shame.
Feeling guilty is a good and helpful response of our conscience to our sin. The pain of guilt was designed by God to help us have power over sin. But shame is something else and of the Devil.
Guilt says, “I have done wrong.” But shame says, “I am wrong.” Shame is a feeling (which quickly becomes a belief), that you are defective, flawed, bad, or worthless. The heaviness and torment of shame are unbearable. And the verdict is always the same—that at your core you are inferior, inadequate, or unacceptable.
Shame makes us believe we are a sinner, separated from our Father. Sin cannot change the identity we have as completely and forever forgiven sons of God. But shame results from being tricked by the Devil to believe we have lost that identity. And losing the love of God makes us feel worthless and alone.
Most men who are significantly struggling with pornography feel distant from God. But you must fight through this because you need to be connected to God to be victorious against the Devil. The only reason you feel separated from God is because you are believing lies. You must believe what the Apostle Paul believed:
I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom 8:38-39)
Therefore, your first step to overcoming the pride, fear, and shame and experiencing the power of God’s grace in your sinful lust, is not talking to people, but to your Dad in Heaven. Remember, your sin is first and foremost against Him. And He already knows you are struggling. But He wants you to be open with Him about it. If you cannot talk to your Father in Heaven about your struggle with lust, you will not be able to make any progress toward freedom. You need His help for this.
You must grab on to God’s grace. You must believe what God’s word says instead of what you feel. God word says:
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. (Rom 8:1)
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Heb 4:15-16)
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. . . He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. (Ps 103:8, 10-14)
It is especially important that you understand your real identity and desires are not sinful. God never sees you as a sinner because He has given you a new heart that hates sin. He knows that is the real you. Your sin, even the sin of lust, is just a disease you have in the old programming of your mind. Which is why you can “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom 12:2). [4]
Dr. Kleoponis shares the following regarding grace with our sin:
Being successful in recovery means being gentle and patient with one’s self, especially early in the process. Recovery takes time. There will be falls along the way. Because of the many pornographic images trapped in an addicted person’s head, it’s easy to fall into viewing pornography, fantasizing, or masturbation.
However, a fall is not a backslide. With a fall, a man lets his guard down temporarily and falls into acting out. He quickly gets back up, analyzes what led to the fall and utilizes the necessary safeguards to prevent it from happening again. In this situation the fall becomes a learning experience to help him improve his recovery program and ensure greater success in the future. . .
A successful man in recovery lets go of the shame that kept him trapped in his addiction. He clearly understands how shame perpetuates unhealthy core beliefs. Shame is not from God. It is a tool Satan uses to enslave people in addiction.
The man in recovery also understands the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is the emotion that tells us when we have sinned and must make amends, which is good. Shame is the emotion that makes us believe we are terrible people because of our sins. It makes us want to hide from others, which leads to more isolation and shame and right back into the addiction. Obviously this is bad. The man in recovery values guilt and avoids shame. He knows that when he falls, he must confess it to accountability partners. With their love and support, he can quickly get back on the road to recovery. [5]
Admitting your struggle to your Dad in Heaven will help you with Step #2: Admitting your struggle to an Encourager. “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22 NIV). Your Father has steps you can take to defeat sinful lust in your life.
Putting it into practice
– It may be helpful to pray through some Psalms and imitate David in being open with God. For example, David wrote Psalm 51 after being confronted with his sin with Bathsheba. Other suggested Psalms are 32, 38, 42, and 103.
– It may be helpful to pray the Lord’s Prayer every day for some time (cf. Matt 6:9-13). It reminds us we have a great Father (v. 9), we will live in a perfect Kingdom (v. 10), that He is willing to meet all our needs (v. 11), that He will forgive us (v. 12), and that He can protect us from evil (v. 13). These are all things that someone struggling consistently with sinful lust needs to be reminded of daily and pray daily. That’s why Jesus intended this to be a daily prayer (cf. v. 11).
– If you are not convinced of what the Scriptures teach about your complete forgiveness in Christ and promises of your Father read and study through Christian Essentials studies #1-#3; FORGIVENESS, FOUNDATIONS, and FAITH available online at http://www.newlifecr.com/christianessentials.php.
Step #2: Experience Encouragement through a friend
The Bible says: “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Heb 3:13). How often do we need eouragement from others? God say, “daily.” Especially when we are struggling demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life.
The word “encourage” here is from the Greek word parakaleite meaning to “call someone to your side to be with you and give you strength, courage, and comfort.” [6] You will be greatly helped in your spiritual warfare against sinful lust with the help of others.
Remember, the Apostle Paul instructed Timothy to “Flee . . . evil . . . and pursue righteousness . . . along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Tim 2:22). He did not want Timothy doing it alone. It is the Devil who wants you to try to beat him alone.
“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22 NIV). Your Father has steps you can take to defeat sinful lust in your life.
Putting it into practice
– Find some men you trust to share your struggle with. We would suggest you do this with more than one man. This is why Barnabas Groups at New Life are such a great thing. If you are in one, you already have “a band brothers” who are earning your trust and fighting the same war against lust. Choose one to especially be your “battle brother” who you can call when you are being tempted. It is at this time that you can be reminded of Scripture to help you and to pray together.
– The “Openness” time in the P.O.W.E.R. agenda of your Barnabas Group is your opportunity to share your struggle and be prayed for. However, for reasons we share elsewhere, we do not think the typical way Christians approach “accountability” is biblical. [7] The practice of always asking something like “how did you sin this week?” is nowhere supported in Scripture, and encourages fear, shame, and dishonesty. The Bible teaches we need encouragement, not accountability. And one of the differences is between being forced to regularly share your sin, or being free to share it when you choose to. And it is this kind of freedom and grace that we strive for in our Barnabas Groups.
Step #3: Protect your eyes and starve your sin with Internet filtering software
Imagine there were men in your neighborhood who consistently broke into houses and sexually abused wives and daughters. Would you lock your doors or just leave them open at night? Would you be diligent and determined to guard your home? Then why don’t you have filtering and reporting software on your computer devices for pornography?
Maybe you already have this. But if you don’t you are being just as foolish, heartless, and selfish as a man who would not guard his home against intruders. The Devil is scheming to get into your home and heart through the Internet. And you must take advantage of the software available to limit this.
We have discussed a great deal how the introduction of Internet pornography has greatly increased the intensity and difficulty of a modern man’s battle for holiness. For thousands of years it was not easy for a man to see naked, demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life. Protective software can take your modern battle back to ancient times. It eliminates the constant temptation to just “take a peek” on your “smut” phone or laptop. If you are in a war (and you are), why live without walls?
It may be virtually impossible to completely eliminate the use of the Internet in our lives. Some men are required to use it for work. But even if Jesus had a smart phone, it would not be a “smut” phone. He would not carry around naked, demon-possessed women in his back pocket that can be seen with just the touch of a button. He would protect Himself and others who might use His phone. And so should you. Protective software returns your cell phone to a smart phone instead of being a “smut” phone.
Remember that part of the power that naked, demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life have on the Internet is secrecy. But having reporting software on your computer devices removes this power. As one author puts it: “By choosing to remove the secrecy, we pull our lives into the light.” Which is a wonderful thing because the Devil has power in the dark.
The Apostle Peter wrote: “Dear friends, I warn you as ‘temporary residents and foreigners’ to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls” (1 Pet 2:11). And we know what that war in our “souls” feels like. You see something you should not see and it bounces around in your head not wanting to leave. How much better to not let the “worldly desire” into “your very souls” in the first place to “wage war against” it? Your eyes are the gate to your soul. Protect them! This is what Job did. He said: “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman” (Job 31:1).
As another author put it, “As with any addiction, recovery begins with detoxing the brain.” [8] When you eliminate the sources of your sinful sexual stimulation, your struggles are drastically decreased and your victory is greatly increased. Another author wrote:
When you starve your eyes and eliminate “junk sex” from your life, you’ll deeply crave “real food”— your wife. . . In fact I’ve talked with many single men who, by consistently keeping their eyes and minds pure of sensual things, haven’t had sex or masturbated for years. The pressure “dries up,” they say. [9]
As discussed in the previous chapter, we believe Jesus was serious when He said, “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you” (Matt 5:29). That is how serious your Lord wants you to be in your war with demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life. If you are not even willing to invest the time and money to research, purchase, and properly install protective software, you have not even begun to be serious.
Putting it into practice
– Get protective software on every device in your home and life that accesses the Internet. There are a variety of options. You can begin your research here:
http://www.toptenreviews.com/software/security/best-internet-filter-software/
If you do not have protective software on your computer devices and smart phone, purchase and install this today!
– If you have teenagers in your home, make sure all of their Internet devices have protective software installed also.
– Who should be the Administrator of your protective software and receive your Internet activity reports? At least one of the Encouragers you have shared your struggle with. Perhaps a brother in your Barnabas Group.
– What if your work computer does not protect you from pornography at the work place? Ask your employer to provide it. Most already have because of the huge amount of time many employees are wasting on pornography at the workplace. And it is especially offensive to women.
► Return to the beginning and answer the questions there.
► Recite Matthew 5:29 from memory.
► Memorize 2 Timothy 2:22 in the translation above or another.
- See Luke Gilkerson, “Coming Clean,” p.6; online at http://www.covenanteyes.com. ↑
- Kleponis, Loc. 3587. ↑
- John Michael Cusick, Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle (Thomas Nelson, 2012), Kindle Edition. ↑
- For more on your sinless identity as taught in Romans 6-7 see ch. 2.16 in Christian Essentials study #2: FOUNDATIONS. ↑
- Kleponis, Loc. 4760-4774. ↑
- BAGD, see definitions #1 and #4. ↑
- For a critique of the typical practice of “accountability” in Christianity see chapter 3.20, “Modern Mistakes in Ministry” in the Christian Essentials study FREEDOM available online at
- Kleponis, Loc. 3097. ↑
- Arterburn and Stoeker, Loc. 999. ↑