Your War with Lust: 1 Your King’s Declaration of War Against Lust

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Your King’s Declaration of War Against Lust

One of the most destructive sins is committed with your eyes

Matthew 5:27-28

Week 1

► For a God Time use the “P.O.W.E.R. Plan” in Appendix A.

► After reading this chapter, answer the following questions:

1) What is adultery?

2) What is mental adultery?

3) What is the effect of adultery for a married person?

4) What is the difference between noticing an attractive person and lusting?

5) What is the meaning of Jesus referring to sinning with your hand?

6) What was especially meaningful to you in this chapter? Why?

The Sermon on the Mount is the first recorded public teaching we have from God the Son. When you read it, you get the sense that He has been watching things from Heaven for millennia, observing all kinds of sins and errors. And now He takes the opportunity to speak about them. We can be sure that the topics He chose for this Sermon had been foremost on His heart for a long time.

One of the topics Christ chose to address first in His ministry of teaching was sexual lust. Why? Because throughout human history He had witnessed how pervasive and destructive it had been. And that is why He wanted to teach about it.

Now, 2000 years later, Christ’s concerns about the devastation being caused by sexual lust among His people, must be even much, much greater. Internet pornography is arguably the most powerful and destructive spiritual disease to ever threaten the well-being of the churches, leaders, marriages, children, and lives of God’s people. And the world-wide onslaught of this demonic weapon against everything we hold most dear, makes Jesus’ teaching on sexual lust all the more critical for us to understand and heed today. Jesus said:

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt 5:27-28)

One of the most destructive sins is committed with just your eyes.

Sinning Against Your Marriage

The essence of this command is against sexual adultery (Gr. moicheuseis). Adultery simply means to have sexual relations with someone who is not your spouse. For reasons discussed in the next chapter, Jesus intentionally directed this command to men, and this study will reflect that.

There are no commands in Scripture against having sex. This is because God created humans with the body parts and desires to have sex. This is even one of the primary reasons He created two genders of humans. Therefore there are several Scriptures in both the OT and NT encouraging us to enjoy the God-given pleasure of sex. More than that, there is a whole book of the Bible essentially devoted to it called the Song of Solomon. Elsewhere God says:

Let your wife be a fountain of [sexual] blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth [because you can have sex with her]. . . . Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her [sexual] love. (Prov 5:18-19)

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other [of sex]. (1 Cor 7:3-5 NIV)

God made sex to be a healthy God-glorifying part of His Creation. But this is also why God created marriage. God designed sex for marriage, and for no other purpose or place. Because of how God created humans and sex, it is only within the committed protection of a “one flesh” relationship with the opposite gender that sex will be safe and satisfying.

The rampant sexual immorality that is portrayed in movies as somehow fulfilling is a lie. Sexually transmitted diseases, dying from AIDS, and the emptiness and degradation people ALWAYS feel when they have sex with people who have made no commitment to them, is all proof of God’s design. We do not break God’s commandments. Their truth cannot be diminished or destroyed in any way. Rather, breaking God’s commandments, especially in the area of sexual immorality, breaks us.

It is God’s plan and will that the vast majority of His people experience the pleasure of sex. But only by having sex with the ONE person you have already become one with in marriage. Jesus said:

A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two [people] but one [person], let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Matt 19:5-6)

In marriage, two people become one person spiritually, emotionally, physically, and practically. “God has joined [them] together” spiritually because God now views the husband as the spiritual head of his wife. “God has joined [them] together” emotionally because the friendship, family, and forgiveness they experience together will give them a love like no other. “God has joined [them] together” physically through sexual intercourse, which He intended to be the most intimate experience two humans can have together. And “God has joined [them] together” practically because they will live, raise children, join a church, and serve God together.

Because marriage is a relationship that “God has joined together,” its bond is powerful. But there is something more powerful. It has the power to do precisely what Jesus said should not happen: “let no one split apart what God has joined together.” What could a mere human possibly do that would have the destructive power to break “what God has joined together”? Adultery.

Jesus explains this just a few verses later in the Sermon on the Mount when he says, “A man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery” (Matt 5:32). That is a very sad and sobering statement. If a spouse is sexually unfaithful, then the other spouse is free in God’s eyes to divorce them. ^[1] Why? Because having sex with someone else has already spiritually destroyed the marriage in God’s eyes. What “God has joined together” has been “split apart” by the act of adultery. And if things are not mended, or if the betrayed spouse chooses to leave, the marriage will be broken emotionally, physically, and practically as well.

Even if the unconditional love of the betrayed spouse enables the healing of the marriage and keeps it from being destroyed, adultery will at least defile the marriage. The Bible says: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Heb 13:4 ESV). The writer is saying that the bed where you have sex with your wife is a sacred place to be kept pure. But when you commit adultery, it is like bringing another person into your sacred bed to have sex with them. And how much more disgusting if this happened literally. Either way, adultery defiles the sacred place of the marriage bed.

It is because marriage is such a wonderful and powerful creation of God, that adultery is such a wicked and even more powerful sin of humans. Jesus said: “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:27-28). One of the most destructive sins is committed with just your eyes.

Sinning with your eyes

All of the above is why it is so sobering that Jesus DRASTICALLY EXPANDED THE DEFINITION OF ADULTERY. If the only danger of adultery was physically having sex with someone who is not our spouse, this would be a lot harder sin to commit. But Jesus said you can commit this wicked, marriage-wrecking sin with merely your EYES, not your sexual organs. Mental adultery, which Jesus makes equal to physical adultery, can happen just by seeing someone, not even touching or knowing them.

Mental adultery is simply allowing someone who is not your spouse to give you sexual thoughts and desires. This is what Jesus was describing when He said: “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit [physical] adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks [blepōn] at a woman with lust [epithymēsai] has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:27). Obviously, lusting after “a woman” who is not your wife is a serious sin against your God, your wife, your children, and yourself. So let’s define it more carefully.

Can a man notice a pretty woman that is not his spouse? Can he even appreciate another woman’s beauty? Yes. There is nothing wrong with recognizing beauty in God’s creation, whether it is in a flower, sunset, or person. As one Christian man put it: “When I see a beautiful woman my thoughts, if any, would be ‘she is pretty.’ Kind of like seeing a restored 1967 Plymouth GTX driving down the street.”

Accordingly, the Greek words used by Matthew suggest more than just noticing and appreciating an attractive woman. First, the Greek word translated “looks” (blepōn) can mean simply to see something. But in the NT it often means: “to process information by giving thought, direct one’s attention to something, consider.” ^[2] This implies more than simply seeing a woman and recognizing her beauty. It means looking for an attractive woman rather than looking at one. And most men know the difference.

Along these lines, Proverbs says regarding a woman who is not your wife: “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes” (Prov 6:25 NIV). Webster’s Dictionary defines “captivate” as “to influence and dominate by some special charm or trait and with an irresistible appeal.” Particularly in the case of seeing a woman who is dressed provocatively, it has been said: “Look once, shame on her. Look twice, shame on you.” Recognition of beauty is natural and understandable, but captivation crosses a line.

We have been careful to define what kind of “looking” Jesus condemned because it leads to the second word Matthew uses: “lust.” The Greek (epithymēsai) means: “To have a strong desire to do or secure something. To have sexual interest in someone.” ^[3] Like sex, lust is a God-given ability of humans and not sinful when experienced in marriage. Again, if there is no lust in a marriage there is something wrong. But like sex, lust becomes sinful outside of marriage.

This is another reason pornography has made this so much harder. It is relatively easy and common for a man to notice a woman in public and recognize her physical beauty without wanting to have sex with her. But with pornography lust is automatic because the women are already naked. Imagine if women walked around in public with no clothes on. How hard would the struggle against lust be then? Unfortunately, we really don’t have to imagine this. There is a multitude of naked women on the Internet. They can be beautiful, inviting, and exciting. But we will call them what they really are to you throughout this study: demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life.

Of course this label does not necessarily include drugged up sex slaves being used by pornographers and pimps. They may not know what they or doing or hate what they are doing. Unfortunately, the Devil can use even innocent women for his sinful purposes. But as discussed further in chapter 3 of this study, it is vital to unmask the spiritual reality behind the beauty of the naked women enticing you to sin with them. They are demon-used, if not demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life.

How would lust relate to a woman you personally know? Again, it is fine to recognize her beauty. But when appreciation turns into desire, it is lust. You can appreciate the beauty of your friend’s car or wife. But when you desire to have them for yourself it is coveting and lust. Therefore, when a married man desires a woman who is not his wife, wanting to be close to her, he is committing mental and emotional adultery. He certainly has betrayed his wife, and abandoned what God intended in making him “one flesh” with his wife.

What about the process of engagement and getting married? Of course, it would be rather impossible for a single man not to experience lust towards the woman he will marry. Sexual attraction is one of the God-given means that lead to a commitment of marriage. Such feelings would not be the sin of mental adultery if an unmarried man and unmarried woman have agreed to be married. But those natural feelings are a good reason to keep engagements short so you are not tempted into sin. ^[4]

Jesus said: “anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28). Simply put, you are not to lust after a woman you are not married to, or that you are not going to marry. Many Christian men fail to believe Jesus. It is especially difficult for men to imagine that looking at pornography is actually adultery. Men have a unique ability to compartmentalize their lives. Therefore, they can mentally, emotionally, and relationally separate what they do with a woman on a computer screen, from their relationship with their wife. The woman on the screen is an object to them, not a person. They think pornography is just like another video game, not a sin against your God, wife, and children with the power to dissolve your marriage.

But be assured husbands that your enjoyment of pornography feels like adultery to your wife. If you have problems thinking that enjoying the sight of another naked woman is not sinful, marriage-breaking, marriage-defiling adultery, your wife knows that Jesus was telling the truth. And you are deceived. You need to ask yourself how bad would you feel about actually having physical sex with a woman other than your wife? That would be horrible, right? You should feel the same about lusting after a woman on a screen who is not your wife.

And let us repeat. Jesus said your wife has the right to divorce you because of your mental adultery with demon-possessed destroyers of your wife and life. Do you doubt this? Did Jesus say such lust was adultery (cf. Matt 5:27-28)? And did Jesus say, just a few verses later, that a man could divorce his wife if she was sexually unfaithful (cf. Matt 5:32)? Do you then still doubt that Jesus gives your wife permission to divorce you for your own sexual unfaithfulness?

Finally, disobeying Jesus’ commandment regarding lust breaks a number of other commandments.

Lusting after “a woman” who is not your wife breaks the First Commandment: “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exod 20:3).

Lusting after “a woman” who is not your wife breaks the Second Commandment: “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God” (Exod 20:4-5).

Lusting after “a woman” who is not your wife breaks the Seventh Commandment: “You shall not commit adultery” (Exod 20:14).

Lusting after “a woman” who is not your wife might break the Tenth Commandment: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife” (Exod 20:17).

Lusting after “a woman” who is not your wife breaks the Greatest Commandment to: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart [desires] and with all your soul and with all your mind [thoughts]” (Matt 22:37).

Lusting after “a woman” who is not your wife breaks the Second Greatest Commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 22:39). Why is this? Because many of those women who are prostitutes or are displaying themselves on the Internet are drugged-up sex slaves whose lives are being destroyed just to give men a few moments of pleasure. Using them like that is lust, not love. Christian men should be working to rescue these women, not use them for the very reasons their pimps and captors hold them captive.

Along these lines, one author writes:

What kind of a woman would allow herself be used and abused by men? The answer is: a deeply wounded one. I don’t know of any healthy young women who would say she wants to grow up to be a porn star. It’s not uncommon for women in pornography to come from families plagued by abuse, addiction, rejection, abandonment, and neglect. Many porn stars themselves are runaways, alcoholics, and/or drug addicts (Dines, 2010). These women are desperate and pornographers prey on them. . .

One clear piece of evidence that the pornography industry harms the women in it is their life expectancy. In one study, the deaths of 129 porn stars over a 20-year period were analyzed. It was found that the overwhelming majority died premature deaths due to drugs, suicide, murder, alcohol abuse, accidental death, and disease. The average life expectancy of a porn star is only 37 years (Jennings, 2013). ^[5]

Jesus said: “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:27-28). One of the most destructive sins is committed with just your eyes.

Sinning with your hand

And Jesus was not done. He went on immediately to say:

So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (Matt 5:27-30)

Sinning with your eyes is a serious thing. So serious that Jesus actually said you should take your thumb, press it into your eye socket, and pull your eye out of your skull. It is doubtful that He intended for us to obey Him literally. If we did every man in the world would be blind. Nevertheless, do not miss the drastic measures your Lord expects you to take in order to avoid this sin. This will be discussed further in a later chapter.

But before ending this chapter, we will answer one final question. What was Jesus referring to when He warned of sinning with your hand? It seems very possible that He was referring to masturbation. The context of this whole section of His teaching is immoral sexual activity. He has spoken about sinning with the eyes. But Jesus knows that sinning with the eyes usually leads to sinning with the hand and masturbation. That is in fact why people view pornography. Not just to experience sexual arousal, but sexual release.

Because masturbation is so easy, it is so common. One author writes:

Because men get their intimacy from the acts just prior to and during intercourse, masturbation brings a real sense of intimacy and acceptance. This intimacy salves the hurt and rejection. This intimacy is attained easily and without risk, far more easily than at some bar or whorehouse. In fact, it’s attained more easily than with a wife, who might say no when you need intimacy most. That’s why men choose to masturbate so often. ^[6]

Unfortunately, many Christians even wonder if masturbation is a sin. But it would seem Jesus said so. Most of it would certainly seem to be motivated by our sinful nature instead of God’s Spirit. Masturbation is a sin just as serious as any sexual sin, calling for the same drastic measures in order to avoid it.

What, you don’t think Jesus has been watching humanity masturbate all those years too? Which is why when He came to Earth and gave His first recorded public sermon, one of His topics would seem to be masturbation. Imagine that. And He did this because having sex with yourself is one of the most addictive, demeaning, and destructive sins you can do.

Remember, every one of God’s commandments are designed to protect us from hurting ourselves and others. His commandment against masturbation is no exception. Unfortunately, popular media has suggested there are benefits to masturbation. But modern science dispels this. One researcher on the topic writes:

[One sex researcher] asserted that masturbation is healthy ‘‘for lessening the likelihood of developing prostate cancer, improving mood, developing sexual interests, and perhaps even ridding oneself of tired sperm.’’ However, these unreferenced claims contrast sharply with the best available empirical evidence.

It is difficult to reconcile the view that masturbation improves mood with the findings in both sexes that greater masturbation frequency is associated with more depressive symptoms, less happiness, and several other indicators of poorer physical and mental health, which include anxious attachment, immature psychological defense mechanisms, greater blood pressure reactivity to stress, and dis-satisfaction with one’s mental health and life in general.

It is equally difficult to see how masturbation develops sexual interests, when greater masturbation frequency is so often associated with impaired sexual function in men and women. Greater masturbation frequency is also associated with more dissatisfaction with relationships and less love for partners.

In contrast, PVI [penile-vaginal intercourse] is very consistently related to better health, better sexual function, and better intimate relationship quality.

Moreover, although less risk of prostate cancer was associated with greater number of ejaculations (without specification of the sexual behavior), it is PVI frequency that is specifically associated with reduced risk, whereas masturbation frequency is more often related to increased risk. In this regard, it is interesting to note that masturbation is also associated with other problems of the prostate (higher prostate specific antigen levels and swollen or tender prostate). . .

The only sexual behavior consistently related to better psychological and physical health is PVI. In contrast, masturbation is frequently associated with indices of poorer health. ^[7]

Jesus has something better for you than having sex with women on a screen and/or having sex with yourself. He wants to give you a relationship with Him that fulfills your deepest needs, and a marriage in which you can enjoy His gift of sex, rather than being oppressed and hurt by it.

► Return to the beginning and answer the questions there.

► Memorize Matthew 5:27-28 in the translation above or another.

Not surprisingly, there has been a good deal of debate over Jesus’ permission for divorce in the case of a spouse being unfaithful. This was evidently important to Christ as He is recorded saying it twice (cf. Matt 5:32; 19:9). Does God allow divorce for unfaithfulness? If so, what defines it?
First, the Greek word translated “unfaithful” is porneia which means any kind of “sexual immorality or illicit sex” (BAGD). After a lengthy discussion in his commentary, D. A. Carson concludes:

Porneia covers the entire range of sexual immorality and should not be restricted unless the context requires it. . . It seems best, then, to permit both porneia and the except clause to retain their normal force. Jesus is then saying that divorce and remarriage always involve evil; but as Moses permitted it because of the hardness of human hearts, so also does he—but now on the sole grounds of porneia (sexual sin of any sort). (“Matthew,” The Expositors Bible Commentary, [Zondervan, 2010], 468, 472).

And this would certainly include the use of pornography, especially when Jesus Himself defined being sexually stimulated by pornography as committing adultery. ↑
A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Early Christian Literature (BAGD), F. W. Danker editor, 3^rd edition, (University Of Chicago Press, 2001). ↑
Ibid. ↑
For more on a biblical process of getting married see Pastor Kurt’s study, Getting Married God’s Way. ↑
Peter Kleponis, Integrity Restored: Helping Catholic Families Win the Battle Against Pornography, Emmaus Road Publishing, Kindle Edition, Loc. 505-521. ↑
Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle: Every Man’s Guide to Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (Crown Kindle Edition, 2000), pp. 114-115. ↑
Dr. Rui Miguel Costa, “Masturbation is Related to Psychopathology and Prostate Dysfunction,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2012), 41:539–540 online at: https://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/Costa.Masturbation.PDF.
For numerous references to medical studies supporting the claims in this excerpt see the article itself. ↑