CE 1 YEAR: 16 Your Shame  

Week 16

Your Shame

What the Revelation tells us will happen after the New Creation, was what Adam and Eve experienced at the beginning of this creation: “God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God” (Rev 21:3).

Their relationship with God was perfect. They felt no SHAME with God (Gen 2:25). They felt no SHAME to be completely exposed to one another. But then they broke the one commandment God had given them (Gen 3:7-8). The first sin of humans brought the first SHAME of humans. And SHAME has plagued humanity ever since.

Shame is feeling like you are a broken and filthy sinner who cannot be loved. But because of your Father’s complete forgiveness through Christ, He wants all of His children to be like Adam and Eve before they sinned and who “felt no shame” (Gen 2:25).

Defining shame: Believing you are bad

SHAME is: “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, fault, or being improper. A condition of humiliating disgrace.” SHAME is that intensely painful feeling and belief that you are so perverted and corrupt that you are unworthy of love from God or anyone else. SHAME is a belief about your identity. It means more than you have sinned and done something bad. It means you believe you are sin and are bad, defective, dirty, dark, repulsive, unacceptable, and worthless.

SHAME was illustrated by Adam and Eve when “they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves” and “hid from the Lord God among the trees” (Gen 3:7-8). They believed more than they had sinned. They now believed they were sin. They did not just hide their sin, they hid “themselves.” Their response to God and one another was not “Please, don’t look at my sin,” but rather, “don’t look at ME!”

SHAME for sin is different than a CONVICTION of sin. To “convict” means “to convince of error or sinfulness.” And that is a God ordained work of our conscience and the Spirit who came to, “convict the world of its sin” (John 16:8). Godly CONVICTION of sin is to “bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live” (Eph 4:30). CONVICTION is essentially being sad about your sin and motivated to stop it (see 2 Cor 7:8-13).

With CONVICTION we recognize our sin, but maintain our true identity as a forgiven and dearly loved child of God. Even though you sin, this is not your real desire, nature, or identity. This will be discussed more in Week 19.

With the CONVICTION of God’s Spirit, we do not lose the love, joy, and peace of the Spirit. We are sad about our sin, but not devastated and feeling separated from God.

But SHAME is the lie that your true nature is a worthless, hopeless sinner that God is angry with and has rejected. You have lost your sense of “peace with God” (Rom 5:1). Shame is feeling like you are a broken and filthy sinner who cannot be loved. But because of your Father’s complete forgiveness through Christ, He wants all of His children to be like Adam and Eve before they sinned and who “felt no shame” (Gen 2:25).

The results of shame: Feeling separated and alone

As noted above, ever since Adam and Eve, SHAME has plagued God’s people. But there is a sense that it is more prevalent today than it has ever been. Perhaps this is because of a perceived increase for child sexual abuse. Psychology Today reports that in the U.S., “Studies show that 25% of girls and 13% of boys are sexually abused before the age of 18.” And there is nothing that causes deep, dark, debilitating SHAME like sexual abuse.

Adam and Eve’s SHAME radically changed how they felt about themselves and God. “They felt shame . . . So they hid from the Lord God” (Gen 3:7-8). Does this describe you friend? Are you hiding from your Father in Heaven because of your SHAME about your sin or how someone sinned against you?

SHAME is one of the greatest powers of the Devil and very destructive to the children of God. First, it makes us feel separated from God. The truth is, nothing can ever separate us from God’s love, not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love (Rom 8:38). But believing the lie of the Devil that our sin is somehow more powerful than God’s love, does make us feel separated from God. The lies that we are dirty, dark, and unworthy make us even incapable of receiving the love we so desperately need, and that both God and good Christians are offering.

This is precisely what the Devil wants. He wants to entice you to sin, but then hurt you even more by turning your sin into SHAME. Because He knows that while you stay in SHAME, you will feel separated from God. Then you will have no power over your sin, and you will in fact sin more.

SHAME not only makes you feel separated from God, but drives you to separate from people. There is this sense that the real you is ugly, dirty, and dark. And if people really knew you, and your sin, they would see these very things. Do you know that many Christians will not go to church because they feel unworthy to do so? And many more are afraid of small groups and friendships and Pastors because of SHAME. And all of this results in another painful place the Devil wants you to be: feeling ALONE. Like you really don’t belong in the family of God.

For all these reasons, SHAME is an underlying cause of many psychological disorders including depression, paranoia, and addictions. Sexual disorders and many eating disorders are often caused by SHAME.

Resolving shame: Gaining a clear conscience

The Bible promises: “Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us” (Rom 5:1). SHAME steals our peace with God. How do we restore this peace?

The Apostle Paul answered this question when he said: “I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men” (Acts 24:16). A “blameless conscience” is a clear and peaceful conscience that is not blaming you of doing wrong. A blameless conscience before God gains and maintains your peace with God. This is why the Bible repeatedly speaks about the importance of a clear conscience for the Christian life (Rom 9:1; 2 Cor 1:12; Acts 23:1; 24:16; 2 Tim 1:3; Heb 9:14; 13:18; 1 Pet 3:16; Job 27:5-6).

How do you gain and maintain a blameless conscience free of SHAME? First, you must Recognize that a feeling of SHAME is operating in your life. Is there anything about your past that you feel afraid or ashamed to tell someone? If so, then the Devil has infected you with SHAME.

Secondly, you need to Rebel against this SHAME. How do you do that? CONFESS it to God! As explained in Week 14, forgiveness of sin does not require confession of sin. But such confession helps you to experience the forgiveness you already have. The Devil’s SHAME keeps parts of your life in darkness, and darkness is always where the Devil has power. That’s why he wants to keep you there. Christians who struggle with SHAME will often tell you that it literally feels like they are living in darkness.

The only solution is to bring your SHAME into the LIGHT of God’s love. You have, of course, been fooling yourself that God doesn’t know about what happened to cause you SHAME. He has always known and loved you anyway. But it is important for you to openly talk about your SHAME with your Father. Doing so will begin to immediately break the power of keeping it in the darkness.

Thirdly, begin to Reveal the lies causing your SHAME. Ask that powerful question: Why? Why do I feel this way? What event in my life made me feel this way? What lie about myself did that experience imprint me with? All feelings of SHAME in a Christian’s life are caused by believing lies. This is why you can feel SHAME about something when you didn’t even do anything wrong.

When you Reveal lies about yourself and God’s love for you, then you can Resolve them with God’s truth. The truth about God’s complete love for you. Your Father has already forgiven your sins. You can live in the light with Him. He does not want you to live in the darkness of SHAME.

SHAME makes you feel that God is ashamed of you. But what does Scripture say: “So now Jesus and the ones he makes holy have the same Father. That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them his brothers and sisters” (Heb 2:11). And “God is not ashamed to be called their God” (Heb 11:16).

Some of God’s children have become convinced that shameful deeds have made them a shameful, disgusting, unacceptable person. As noted above, they believe more than they have sinned. They believe they are sin. But what does God say: “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Cor 5:17). Your old self died when you were born again by God’s Spirit. That old person who sinned and was sinned against no longer exists. As explained more in Week 19, you are a new creation.

Practical Application: Are there any sins in your life for which you need to experience God’s love and compassion for? Bring them before God and tell Him you are sorry. Then thank God that Christ paid your penalty for that sin. Receive and believe in your Father’s forgiveness.

In your small group meeting this week, share praises and prayer requests and then discuss these questions:

1) How does SHAME make people feel? Have you ever felt this way?

2) What is the difference between SHAME and the Spirit’s CONVICTION?

3) What is the result of SHAME in our lives? Can you share an example of this from your own life?

4) What is one of the first things you must do if you are struggling with SHAME?

5) What was especially meaningful to you in this chapter? Why?